The Derisive Duck is a satirical newspaper. Names are invented except in cases where public figures are being satirized (you know who you are, Donald). Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental.
Quotations are fictional (made-up) and included for satirical effect. Any similarity of fictional quotes to actual statements is accidental and coincidental. This site is intended for mature audiences, which would of course exclude about half of the male population of America.